MODERN LIFE
Some Wisdom on How to Give or Receive Gifts Well
Wouldn’t it be nice to stop feeling disappointed or anxious?
What do you feel when you give a gift — or receive one?
Is it a happy event, one that leaves you feeling good and able to move forward with your day? Or does it somehow fall short, and you keep coming back to it in your mind again and again?
Let’s look at getting a gift first.
Your aunt gives you a saucepan and you hate cooking. Your boss gives you a leather-bound appointment book — and when was the last time you ever wrote anything down on paper? All sorts of things fly through your head. I’ll never use that. This is the wrong size. Don’t they know anything about me? Now I’ve got to spend my time getting a refund.
Do you notice anything about all these sentences? They’re all about your unhappy thoughts, and about how the gift falls short of your expectations. No wonder your head is buzzing with disappointment and irritation.
It doesn’t have to be this way. You can rid yourself of these annoying thoughts with this simple statement:
The gift now belongs to me, and it is mine to do with what I wish.
No matter how you feel about the gift, what’s important is that somebody else has given it to you. Your only obligation is simple and easy: say “Thank you.” You don’t have to exaggerate or be insincere or say something that makes you feel awkward. “Thank you” is always appropriate and always sufficient.
What about the opposite, you giving a gift? You’re probably hearing from your negative internal voice about this as well. They won’t like it. They’re not acting like they’re glad to get it. It’s not what they wanted. They won’t take care of it.
Do you notice anything about all these sentences? They’re all about your unhappy thoughts, and about the recipient falls short of your expectations. Again, your head is buzzing with disappointment and irritation.
You don’t have to be at the mercy of these statements, either; all you have to do is remind yourself:
The gift now belongs to them, and it is theirs to do with what they wish.
No matter how you feel about the recipient, what’s important is that you will no longer own the gift — it will be theirs, not yours. What they do with your gift, how they feel about it, both are beyond your control. If you can’t live with the fact that you no longer have any influence over what happens to the gift, you should consider not giving it.
Sometimes I’d rather not get a gift. Giving a gift makes me painfully aware of how little I really know about the other person. But giving and getting gifts will always be with us, so changing how we think about them will help us feel better about doing so.
Here is the final thing to remember:
The gift is always about the giving and the receiving, and it helps to do these things with goodwill toward the other person.
